Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
