Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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