Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize