I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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