Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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