wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
