Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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