She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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