It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Even my vagina gasped.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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