1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
