apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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