Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
