i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
