If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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