Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
