they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
