Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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