so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
