Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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