My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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