I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
His hands were made for my vagina.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
