You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
