Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
