If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
