They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
