the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
