He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
