There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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