Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
