OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
