Your tits are I can't wait for
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
