then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
