dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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