Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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