Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize