if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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