This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
