I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
false alarm. still invincible.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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