Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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