i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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