before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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