I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
