I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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