Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
