..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
