Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
