I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize