I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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