he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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