I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
