fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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