We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
