Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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