its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my being single is dangerous.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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