you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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