cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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