i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
