just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I love you. Go after that dick
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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