when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
