before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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