We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
