Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
