If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
