im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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