just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize