never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
