I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
