So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
