I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
