You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
