The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
