I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
