did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
