There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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