Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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