My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
