ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
As shirtless as possible
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
